My parents were told that I probably had two years to live, and during those two years, my mother died suddenly. Our family was thrown into a time of confusion and uncertainty.
Some helpful life lessons
Thankfully, I survived the cancer and learnt how to chase and achieve my dreams. Now, over 60 years later, reflecting on my life journey to date, here are some life lessons I have learnt from my cancer experiences.
Perhaps they might serve as encouragement to someone struggling for any number of reasons.
Experiences? Well, I had another cancer scare about twelve years ago. My doctor said it was probably the result of the radiation treatment all those years ago.
As I grappled with the impact of cancer on my teenage life, and after a variety of mood swings, I understood how I could choose my attitude and how to respond to life’s multiple challenges. The choices I make ultimately determine my future.
So, live in hope and work hard at carrying a positive, constructive attitude into everything you do, and into all your meaningful relationships. Strive at all times to be a person of integrity, someone who keeps their word, and on whom others can trust and depend. Be respectful of yourself and others.
“Everything can be taken from a man or woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitudes in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” (Viktor Frankel, Holocaust survivor)
Once I identified my passion to become a teacher, and set some sport goals, my life took on more meaning and purpose.
Ask yourself: if you could do anything you wanted today, and had all the qualifications you needed, what would you choose to do? That’s likely to be your passion, so do something with it. Create dreams and chase them. Windows of opportunity will open for you as you move out of your comfort zone.
It took me quite a while to learn the importance of self-discipline. At times I must have behaved like a spoilt brat, full of self-pity because of my disability. Over time, I learnt the importance of following a disciplined, healthy and balanced daily lifestyle.
As examples, which anyone can adapt or emulate, have between seven and nine hours’ sleep every night (depending on your age); at least 30 minutes of exercise every second day; manage your time well (time to work, time to study, time to reflect, time to eat, time to socialize and relax, time to exercise, time to follow an interest or hobby, time to sleep); follow a healthy diet — breakfast is an important meal to give the brain the energy it needs to get through the day; and say ‘no’ to drugs, alcohol abuse (so you don’t damage your brain during crucial developmental times), cigarettes, vaping, and inappropriate behavior.
Self-discipline remains a key characteristic of my life.
Thankfully, once I learnt to accept my disability, I discovered the importance of setting goals. My life took on even more meaning and purpose. I had to experiment with different methods of reaching my goals until I found what worked best for me.
So, share your ideals, passion/s and goals with someone you trust, and who will become your non-judgmental cheerleader. Draw up a clear action plan, and take small steps initially. Take ownership of your goals and envision yourself achieving them today. For example, say to yourself, “I feel excited as I…” Research suggests that those who set goals achieve much.
Include a goal that sees you reaching out to others and expecting nothing in return. You will discover many more positive qualities about yourself. Sometimes a simple gesture such as a friendly smile directed at a stranger, or a peer can change their day. Be proud of all you achieve, and always remain humble.
I would have struggled to overcome the impact of cancer on my life without the support of relationships and networks with friends, family, other adults or peers (teachers, coaches, and work colleagues), and employers.
When you surround yourself with positive friends you have a greater chance of reaching your unique potential. Positive friends know right from wrong. Always choose your friends carefully, and let trust develop over time.
Find a mentor who will be a non-judgmental and caring wise guide, and your consistent cheerleader. Be a team player, as this is a guaranteed way to connect with like-minded people, and to develop positive relationships. Have role models in your life, be an encouragement to others, turn obstacles into opportunities, and reach out to those in need. These relationships will enrich your life.
As I recovered from cancer, my behavior was inconsistent, and I struggled to share my private feelings. Over time, and with support from others, I worked hard to develop and improve my communication skills.
Look to become a brilliant listener, a motivator, encourager, cheerleader and inspiration to others. Develop a positive vocabulary, watch your body language, and radiate unconditional love, care and compassion towards others.
Display empathy, be genuine and respectful, and people will value your contributions to their lives. Also, learn how and when to be vulnerable in a safe and secure environment, allowing others to gain a deeper understanding of your feelings.
There were days, as I came to terms with my cancer and my disability, when my selfish attitude and inconsistent moods got the better of me. I was rude and intolerant of others. My life was about me, me, me!
Over time, I learnt how conflict (inner and outer conflict) is part of daily life. I had to learn how to turn my conflict situations into positive learning and growth experiences. This included understanding the importance of never violating another’s rights, nor running away from conflict situations.
I recommend the importance of developing effective mediation skills. Become a healer, a positive agent of change, and a peacemaker where there is tension, pain, misunderstanding, and suffering. Be quick to sincerely forgive those who wrong you, even if you struggle to forget.
And then, I also had to learn not to fear failure. There were many times I wanted to give up, as life seemed so tough. However, with the support of others, I learnt that it’s from failure that I would learn so much more about myself, and my God-given talents and abilities.
I would encourage you to move out of your comfort zone if the challenge is not life-threatening. The key is to learn from the experience. Engrave into your being that every obstacle can be turned into an opportunity if you are prepared to think creatively.
Seek the guidance and wisdom of those you trust, and have the patience to work towards something, rather than expect a quick-fix solution, or instant gratification.
Going hand-in-glove with learning from failure, and chasing goals, was the importance of perseverance. Don’t quit! Go the extra mile even if you have to sweat a little, make some sacrifices (of social life, perhaps), or commit yourself to something for a little longer.
Be willing to ask for help when you need it.
You will be amazed at what can be achieved when you do this. Take time out each day to think about how you are doing, what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what lessons can be learnt. 10 minutes of daily personal reflection could make a significant difference to the way you cope with life’s challenges.
The question I learnt to ask myself at the end of each day was: “Have you done your best today?” My honest answer focused on my efforts, and it’s those efforts that would determine whether or not I was successfully chasing my goals.
Finally, one of the most important life lessons I learnt in my post-cancer teenage journey was the importance of celebrating the small and big victories; the times I achieved a relatively simple goal, or a long-term, major goal, or when I successfully conquered a tough challenge.
Never lose your sense of humor. Laugh often (at yourself especially). Have fun! Remember the importance of gratitude at such special times — always express your genuine thanks to those who share their gold nuggets of wisdom and experience with you, or offer you a helping hand.
Every morning when I awake, the first thing I do is to express gratitude for at least three ‘things’ in my life. This ensures a positive start and attitude each day.
Remember you are unique and special and no-one else has your specific gifts and talents. It’s a fact — never forget that.
Ignore those who tell you otherwise. Work hard at your ‘mirror talk’ — love the person you see in the mirror. Remind yourself every day, “I am lovable and capable,” and you can continually develop your strengths and resilience.
One of my life mantras, which I shared with thousands of young people during my teaching career, is: there is a solution to every problem.
Anyone who has suffered from cancer or another life-threatening illness, will know the challenges one experiences when they try and overcome these times of adversity, and enjoy success — yes, even those small victories.
Your story can inspire others and, despite your imperfections, you can become a light in their darkness, sowing seeds of hope, setting aflame the hearts of struggling souls to overcome their personal challenges, and reach their potential.
Anything is possible, and we all have experiences to share. I have had the privilege of sharing many of my life experiences in six books which have been published during the past seven years, all aimed at encouraging others with messages of hope.
We have the power to change the global narrative, and create a more compassionate and caring global community in which every life matters.
Cover photo by Sylvain Mauroux on Unsplash
