The Power of Positive Parenting in a Post-Pandemic World

The Power of Positive Parenting in a Post-Pandemic World

I have been reflecting some more about the past forty plus years of working with teenagers, which included raising two of my own with my wife. While there might be a little repetition, these ten tips are guaranteed to succeed if we can follow them through and not beat ourselves up when we don’t get it 100% right every day. All these tips and ideas are built on the foundation stone of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The key word there is unconditional, for, when our teenagers make the inevitable mistakes, and stumble or fall, we can assure them of our unconditional love for them at all times. Then we will enjoy respectful and caring relationships with them. Keep reminding yourself that the adolescent brain is only fully mature when they are in their mid-twenties, and this explains the roller-coaster of emotions they experience during these often confusing teenage years as they seek direction, meaning and purpose.

  1. PATIENCE – teenagers are journeying through adolescence to adulthood and they are likely to make mistakes, annoy us, have their typical moods, be surly, irritable and so much more. We need the patience to hang in there through these times, remembering that the storm will pass and the sun will rise again. Sometimes they will test us. We need to be firm and fair at all times, consistent in our dealings with them.
  2. AFFIRMING – put another way, look to ‘catch them doing good’ and affirm them. As long as we are being sincere and genuine, that smile, pat on the back, quick hug or short phrase that let’s them know they have done well and we are proud of them, could be a life-changing moment.
  3. ROLE MODEL – we have to walk the talk to the best of our ability. Most children always look to their parents before anyone else when they are making decisions about life and careers. When we actively live out the values and morals we want our teenagers to live by, there is a greater chance of effective parenting occurring.
  4. EMPATHY – teenagers want us to show that we have some understanding of what they are experiencing. We would be liars if we said, “I know exactly what you are going through’, but not if we said, “I think I have some understanding of what they are going through. They need to be reassured by our stories of life as a teenager as well. Most young people will relate to stories.
  5. NEGOTIATE – “Because I said so …” does not tend to wash with a teenager. While it might be time-consuming, teaching, by example, our teenagers how to negotiate, reach a compromise, not always have their own way, and learn to think of others, we allow them to self-empower themselves with some tremendous life skills. Negotiate all the boundaries and, as they get older, relax these. Negotiate times they are allowed out, duties to do in the home (ease up a little when they have exams, as this shows empathy), computer use, and TV watching time.
  6. TRUST – we have to show our teenagers that we trust them at all times. If that trust is ever betrayed, we then sit down with them and negotiate a way forward, not making it impossible for them to earn our trust again.
  7. SACRIFICE – journeying with teenagers requires sacrifice of our time and energy, but it’s all worth it in the long run. It’s only a few years out of our lives, but it’s sowing future parenting seeds within our children, so we are creating a fine parenting legacy.
  8. LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN! – teenagers want us to listen to them. Listening involves focusing on them when they are speaking, reading what they are not saying, watching their body language, trying to understand their feelings (often not being verbally expressed) and acknowledging them as they speak with a nod of the head, a smile, a hug or some other form of reassurance and understanding.
  9. RESPECT – teenagers want us to respect them, their thoughts, ideas, feelings, and their opinions. They are still working out their values, so it’s inevitable that there will be a roller-coaster ride under way. They are looking to us as a stable partner for the journey from adolescence to adulthood and it is hugely important that we, therefore, respect ourselves. Each one of us needs to look in the mirror and ask ourselves: “Do I love the person I am looking at?” If the answer is “No,” we need to find support to help us become the people who will answer, “Yes!”
  10. CONSISTENCY – teenagers want adults in their lives who are consistent. They want consistent boundaries and they want to know that these will be enforced, even when they rant and rave because they are not getting their way. One day they will look back and thank us for being firm, fair and a consistent presence in their lives. How can our teenagers hope to reach their potential if our own behavior is all over the place? We need to do some mirror gazing regularly, reminding ourselves that we are the parents and the adults in the young person’s life.

These are ten habits we can develop to become effective and unconditionally loving PARENTS. There are many more qualities we could add like enthusiasm, loyalty, and responsibility, but what is important is that we build some key foundation stones so that we can be absolutely sure we know what the shape of love in our home looks and feels like. As we talk to other parents and find out what works and doesn’t work for them, we can add to our list and keep sharing thoughts with others.