Relationship Stages

Most mentor programmes acknowledge that there are a number of stages that the mentoring relationship experiences. These, generally, will include:

Stage 1: Getting to know each other!

• Getting to know each other’s families
• Building foundations of trust and respect
• Doing fun things together
• Setting some specific, realistic, easily achievable and measurable goals
• Planning meeting times
• Setting the boundaries of the relationship
• Sensitively breaking down any barriers that might be evident in the relationship
• Some important questions for the mentor to be seeking answers to at this stage, might include:
  • Where did my mentee come from?
  • Where does my mentee wish to go?
  • What does my mentee need now?
  • What is my mentee good at?
  • What options are open to my mentee with these skills?
  • How can I help my mentee develop and extend these skills?

Stage 2: Achieving goals!

• Formation of a closer emotional bond
• Doing more fun things together (with the mentee perhaps selecting more of these)
• Setting and achieving some s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g goals
• Understanding that the relationship might experience high and low points, yet willingly working through such times
• Seeking ongoing support and encouragement from programme staff, other mentors, other resources
• Affirming the uniqueness of the relationship
• Remaining committed to the relationship
• Encouraging the mentee to develop relationships with other significant adults

Stage 3: Closure!

• Acknowledgment of the effect of the goal setting process
• Where possible, helping the mentee plan for the future
• Doing fun things together
• Preparing for the formal conclusion of the mentoring contract in a healthy, affirming and respectful way
• Reviewing and reflecting on the high points and the low points of the relationship
• Discussing options for staying in touch in the future
• Celebrating the mentoring journey!