Robin's Mentoring Matters Blog
Tips, ideas, thoughts and opinions to motivate and inspire all who guide young people as they journey through adolescence to adulthood.
Teenagers share truths about the powerful impact of mentors in their lives
When you were a teenager, who, other than your parents and friends, had a significant influence on your life? Who was the light in a season of darkness? The go to person? The strength you were looking for? What qualities or positive attributes did this person or these people have that impacted you? HOW did they positively impact your life? How long did the relationship last? Philip was my History teacher when I was aged about 14. He brought the subject alive, had a wonderful sense of humour and fired my interest in the subject that would finally lead to my decision to become a History teacher. He was reliable, consistent, had no favorites and was scrupulously fair and a man of integrity and a deep faith. I don’t recall ever having a 1:1 conversation with him outside the classroom – I might be wrong – though he always exchanged an affirming smile when we passed one another on the school campus. He probably does not know what a positive impact he had on my life at a time when I was seeking meaning and purpose having long since retired. Reflecting on my own experiences motivated me to do more, made more urgent when I heard of the tragic passing of a young woman who had been such a wonderfully caring role model and diligent student at a school where I had been the school principal a few years earlier. I have converted about 45 blogs to short video clips, all of which are linked to encouraging youth to reach their potential. These are available on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHzVfIdmVQEwxTgvNKgp22g?view_as=subscriber And there...
The 10 most important 21st Century Emotional, Entrepreneurial and Employability Skills for you to share with teenagers
What were the most important skills you needed for the world of work when you were at school? Did anyone ever discuss these with you? How did you decide what career to follow? How has the world changed since you were at school? Did you appreciate there were different roads you could travel to attain your career goals? Did anyone every explain this to you? We can all probably remember our times at school when we asked why were studying a certain subject? How was it relevant to our lives beyond school? I know, I used to ask this question often, as so much of what I seemed to be learning appeared to be irrelevant and boring at the time – indeed, as I think back now, some of that work still seems to have been irrelevant or, perhaps my teachers did not show me the relevance. Maybe I was not listening …. I was a normal teenager, yet I think today’s world is demanding more creativity and innovation as the Digital Age expands and evolves. I have thought about all these questions a great deal, read relevant books and articles and worked with hundreds of young people, during which time we would have discussed these questions as we explored hopes and dreams. I have collated all my information under 10 skills as an encouragement to anyone working with young people, though they are as relevant to anyone of any age seeking meaningful work in the 21st Century. Author Tony Wagner, in his challenging book, Creative Innovators – The Making of Young People Who Will Change the World, writes:...
How you can meaningfully guide teenagers
Have you ever asked parents what one wish they have for their children? Have you ever asked a teenager what one wish they have for their lives? What did you wish for as a teenager? Often you will receive answers from parents that all they wish is to see their children happy. As a teenager, I wanted to achieve so many sport goals and wanted coaches to help me achieve these goals. I wanted to be part of a supportive and encouraging team and, in that way, to have a sense of connection to and with others in my peer group. Teenagers generally want to feel connected. How do we know this? Why do they spend so much time on social media? We have to continually remind ourselves that researchers suggest that young people want to feel cared for (loved) valued that their lives have meaning and purpose If you want some quick tips each day about teenagers and how to understand, empathise, motivate and encourage them through their adolescent journey, there are FREE Mentoring Minutes tips available in the 260 podcast episodes I created. Each episode is on average between two and four minutes (maximum) and the aim of the podcasts is to let you slip one into your day each day, Monday to Friday, through the year. 7 ways to understand and encourage Today’s Teenagers Most of today’s teenagers learn best by doing things, reflecting on the experience and learning lessons from the activity which they can then apply to their daily lives. As adults we can help them make sense of what appears to them at...
If you value teenagers then read this!
Do you have teenage children? Do you teach or coach teenagers? Do you work in any way with teenagers? Earlier today I heard that a young man I mentored in the late 1980’s had passed away in 2017. I don’t know what happened and I am still saddened that Agrippa is no longer with us. He was a young man of courage and immense talent who came from a disadvantaged background, yet developed strengths that allowed him to fearlessly stand out from the crowd in an apartheid South Africa. He helped me develop non-racial symposia, had an amazing sense of humor, developed superb leadership skills and taught me so much about what a non-racial South Africa might look like. News of his death has brought so many memories flooding back. This has led me to think about about the power of mentoring, though mostly in relation to other students who crossed my path over the years, and wondering what they are doing with their lives today, what ‘might have been’ had they had the opportunity to be mentored when they were 15 or 16 years of age? Unique gifts and talents to be nurtured and encouraged by a non-judgmental Cheerleader. I was reminded of the positive results of an Online Student Performer that one of the early GR8 Mates student participants had completed at the end of their school-based mentoring program. The students had completed this task at the beginning of the mentoring journey and again, six months later, when the program officially concluded, though some +10 years later, some of those adolescents, now adults, are probably still in touch with...
Positive or negative peer pressure? A life changing choice for a teenager
“All successful people have a goal. No-one can get anywhere unless he knows where he wants to go and what he wants to be or do.” (Norman Vincent Peale (1898 – 1993) Can you remember times as a teenager when you allowed negative peer pressure to influence your choices? Why was that? What impact did those choices have on your teenage years? Lessons learnt? Over the years I have done a lot of work in High or Secondary Schools, attended by 13 to 19-year old students. One of the greatest issues I confronted was the effect of peer pressure on the lives of these students. It is seen in the negative attitude to ‘anything’ that is said. It is seen in the way students, who want to ask questions, who want to get involved in an activity or who want to answer questions remain silent for fear of what their peers might say. It is supposedly not ‘cool’ to try too hard. Sometimes there are deeper reasons that complicate things even more, as will be evident in the four stories I’ll share in this Blog. Rachel’s story – the power of negative peer pressure I heard the story about Rachel (not her real name), who did really well at Primary School. However, when she moved to High or Senior School she only just passed her exams – 50%, 51%, those types of marks. When challenged, she admitted that she did not want to lose her friends, so she was just doing enough to get through. And, having been an enthusiastic class participant, she also retreated into herself so she did...
Why your mentoring of teenagers is critically important
Think back to your teenage years. Which adults had the most positive influence on your life? Why was this? What can you learn from that experience or those experiences and pass on to the next generation? When I was a teenager there were no mobile phones, social media platforms or X-Box games and so on and even then it was challenging. I was confused, often frustrated, moved between having high-self-esteem and low self-esteem, had to work through challenging family times and experienced the normal mood swings of any teenager. Our teachers and other adults in our lives did not have the benefit of adolescent brain research that shapes so much of our thinking today. Yet I sought out coaches, especially, who spoke to my potential I was not seeing, who listened to me and who empathically guided me through those challenging years. Mentoring guru, Marc Freedman, wrote one of the greatest books I have read on youth mentoring, The Kindness of Strangers – Adult Mentors, Urban Youth and the New Voluntarism, in 1993. It is as valid today as it was back then. Freedman mentions what he refers to as “a set of timely and attractive properties” that helps explain the emergence of mentoring “as a means of achieving social linkage”. 6 properties to understand the power of mentoring I am sharing these six properties and give all the credit to Marc Freedman for the content of the Blog, extracts being taken from pages 56 to 58 of his book. Mentoring is simple. The “one to one” concept takes an overwhelming set of social problems, such as those associated...
Why Teenagers need YOUR support and encouragement
When you were a teenager, who, other than your parents and friends, had a significant influence on your life? Why was this the case? How did they influence you? Shelagh was my Grade One teacher, tough as nails on the outside, compassionate and caring when one got to know her. What was absolutely clear was that she gave her best to motivate, encourage and guide us as young children settling into Primary School. I wanted to do well for her, although her message was motivating me to reach my potential through making positive choices. On reflection, I think I had my most successful year academically that year – the power of an influential teacher! Shelagh also had a beautiful Alsatian, Alannah, which occasionally accompanied her to the classroom and received pampering from all the students. When I was seriously ill with cancer, Shelagh was there for me in her own quiet, empathetic and supportive way. She generously gave me a book of wild animals which I kept for over 50 years. She wrote me ‘get well’ cards. Although I was not interacting with her a great deal, the fact that she cared and was an encouragement and support to me, positively impacted my life and inspired me to become a teacher myself. We kept in touch all the way through my school days, indeed, until she finally passed away of old age. A special person who has left me with so many wonderful memories and I probably never really told her what a powerful impact she had had on my young life. Lessons from mentoring youth Mine isn’t the...
Life-changing moments when you invest time in the life of a teenager
Can you remember a moment when an adult invested time in your teenage life and made a positive and significant impact? How did your non-judgmental cheerleader encourage you? What three positive qualities can you remember about them? How did they guide you to be yourself and not bow to negative peer pressure? Time and time again I hear stories of the way mentors, often teachers, have impacted the lives of teenagers. In so many cases the adult had no idea they were having such a positive influence. My non-judgmental cheerleaders over the years had some similar qualities – all spoke to the potential in me that I could not see; all had a great sense of humour; all showed empathy towards me, quietly moved alongside me and encouraged me; all would never accept a half-hearted effort from me and taught me to strive to be the best person I could be – all developed meaningful relationships with me and there was always mutual respect when we interacted. Without even realizing it, some of these people became significant mentors during my life journey. Pass on the legacy And those qualities these teachers and coaches expressed towards me are those I have worked hard to develop when working with teenagers over the years. So often we forget the power of the smile, one encouraging phrase shared at an important moment in a vulnerable teenager’s life, a friendly wave from a distance or an encouraging SMS simply because we think it might be appreciated. It is in these small, seemingly insignificant moments that we can actually be life changers in the lives...
10 Tips for you to make positive connections with teenagers
Think back to how you established meaningful relationships with adults when you were a teenager. Who were these people? Why did you choose to communicate with them? How did they assist your personal development and growth? Teachers, coaches, grandparents, youth workers, faith leaders, possibly an employer. Whoever connects with us will be because we have responded positively to their willingness to interact with us during the often confusing times of our adolescent journey. Most of us respond to people who encourage us, believe in us and are non-judgmental. They listen to us, respect our ideas and help us gain meaning and purpose in our lives as we journey through the often confusing teenage years while our brains are still developing. Teenagers are unpredictable and moody. This is normal as they try and find their way and deal with the incredible pressures of peers and sometimes the demanding parents. 10 Tips to connect with teenagers My research, in this case with a focus on youth mentoring research, offers 10 important tips to help volunteer adults establish meaningful relationships with teenagers. There is no ‘one’ way, as every teenager is a unique individual. These tips, however, should ensure meaningful relationships are established.v 1. Meet on ‘neutral turf’ in public places as often as you can in the early months, for safety and security reasons. Meet at the same time and the same place for the first few meetings to establish the rapport. 2. Keep the focus on your mentee. Encourage mentees to talk about their lives, their interests, their things. Talk as little as possible about yourself and, when you do...