Encourage others to reach their potential and achieve greatness

How important are your face-to-face relationships to you?

In recent times I had the privilege of sharing mentoring thoughts with a relatively new mentoring program serving the area in which I used to live, so I had a sound knowledge of the challenges the mentors were facing. I listened to the experiences of four new mentors who have only been mentoring their mentees for a couple of months. These are vulnerable young people on a journey through the confusing adolescent years, at a time when their brains are still developing. Yet, as I listened to these mentors, what became abundantly clear was that when a young person has a significant adult in their lives who reaches out to them, cares for them, and speaks to their potential (which, for a variety of reasons, many are unable to see), they are keen to connect. These face-to-face relationships will thrive and, hopefully, one day those young people will reach out to other young people looking for a significant adult in their lives.

10 Tips for the Effective Mentoring of Young People

After I had shared a couple of mentoring stories with the mentors, I presented them with a summary of proven tips and strategies they could reflect on in their efforts to make a difference in these young people’s lives. Indeed, they could adapt these points as they moved alongside anyone of any age with whom they were interacting. These points can become part of student peer mentor or peer support programs, or to enhance leadership training at any level. They can easily be adapted for any adult mentoring program. These 10 tips are the results of years of research and a collation of key characteristics of effective mentors gathered from the work of respected global mentoring experts and leaders.

  1. Do not quit! Mentoring relationships with young people especially will sometimes stumble and stall. Persevere.
  2. Be authentic. Trust, empathy, integrity, and respect are solid foundations on which a mentoring relationship is built.
  3. Be non-judgmental. Unconditional love and care give the mentoring relationship a greater chance of succeeding.
  4. Turn up and stay in touch. Regular communication with your mentee will enhance the possibility of a positive connection; mentors drive the relationship in the early months, no matter the age of the mentee; be punctual for every meeting you plan with your mentee.
  5. Don’t expect to have all the answers. Mentors are human beings who are not expected to be perfect, so seek support from other mentors and program staff (as applicable).
  6. Be a valuable resource. Mentors are valued as key resources by mentees, especially when they link their mentees to personal networks.
  7. Be realistic about the relationship. Mentors are expected to be a friend, not a savior, rescuer, or someone offering quick-fix solutions to complex problems. Be a seed sower.
  8. Listen. Listen. Effective communication techniques produce mentoring from the heart.
  9. Celebrate the small victories. Be a non-judgmental, positive cheerleader in your mentee’s life, helping them to achieve realistic goals on the journey to reach their potential; and look for every opportunity to acknowledge their effort, rather than focus on performance.
  10. Have clear boundaries and expectations. Communicate and negotiate ground rules with your mentee at the outset, and revisit these as often as is necessary during the mentoring journey.

“Life is a song – sing it.

Life is a game – play it.

Life is a challenge – meet it.

Life is a dream – realize it.

Life is a sacrifice – offer it.

Life is love – enjoy it.”

(Sai Baba)

Celebrating a new book about mentoring young people

Promoting the spirit of mentoring is what drives me, as I have personally experienced the power of face-to-face mentoring relationships throughout my life. I have read numerous self-help books, most of which have taught me some valuable lessons. Most, though, create the idea that I can do everything in my own strength and I know, factually, from my life experiences that this is not possible. I have spent years researching the world of mentoring, looking for answers, and exploring possibilities. My latest book, MENTOR: Strategies to Inspire Young People expands on the above points. It is the final book in a trilogy promoting the spirit of mentoring, all of which are available from the publisher, Wipf & Stock and Amazon, or with a special offer for anyone living in New Zealand if you click here.