“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” (Epictetus)
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, they make them.” (George Bernard Shaw)
Read through those two quotes a couple of times and think about your response to them.
There is a strong message here about the way we choose our future pathways.
In many discussions I have had with teenagers over the years, there have always been students who will make excuses for not reaching their potential, especially when they do something wrong and are found out.
Some of the more popular comments would be:
- “It’s my parents’ fault. they’re always fighting. Life at home sucks!”
- Or maybe a parent has an addiction of some sort which makes life at home tough to cope with.
- Or they want to keep their circle of friends. These friends keep breaking rules, but being with those friends is more important than reaching their potential? Negative peer pressure tends to lead to negative behavior. We drag ourselves down. Why?
- “It’s the teacher’s fault. He/she doesn’t like me!”
- Or, one of the classic comments: “I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions.” (Brain research tells us that this can be a genuine situation, as the Pre-Frontal Cortex, the Chief Executive area of the brain, where decision-making is taking place, is still developing until the mid-20s)
Instead of standing on their own two feet and learning how to take responsibility for their choices and behavior, they prefer to blame everyone else. That ‘blame mentality’ is definitely not the way to move forward …… and it’s being made worse these days, as more and more young people live in the unreal world of instant gratification and entitlement.
Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankel, says it better than anyone else I have come across: “Everything can be taken from a man or woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
No matter what the situation might be, I have the ability to make my choices about how to respond to what’s going on around me.
There are positive messages anyone working with young people can sow into their conversations and eventually the young person might take ownership of these thoughts and feelings, especially when they have a significant adult walking alongside them and guiding them:
‘You have the seeds of greatness within you.
You can be a positive influence.
You can make a difference.’
Each of us has the seeds of greatness within us. Translate that as meaning, I can become the Best I can Be. And, having made my choice, as I start heading in that direction, others look at me and want to be like me. They start asking me questions and commenting that I have changed. As I share my story, I start making a positive difference in the lives of those around me and that is such an awesome feeling.
You see, one of the major shifts in my thinking takes place when I honestly believe that
‘I am lovable and I am capable.’
This is true of each and every one of us.
No quick-fix solutions
There are no quick-fix solutions or easy answers to the challenges we face in life.
However, if we think about the choices we make every day, we change the way we think about ourselves, especially when we might be feeling useless or worthless.
The major goal each one of us can strive to achieve is to be myself.
Keep holding on to one of my key life philosophies: Life is a learning experience.
As long as you are willing to learn, you can go far.
Perhaps you have a story to share of how someone encouraged you as a teenager and, through the decisions you made together, your life moved in exciting new directions?
