Can you remember a moment when an adult invested time in your teenage life and made a positive and significant impact? How did your non-judgmental cheerleader encourage you? What three positive qualities can you remember about them? How did they guide you to be yourself and not bow to negative peer pressure?
Time and time again I hear stories of the way mentors, often teachers or coaches, have impacted the lives of young people. In many cases the adult had no idea they were having such a positive influence.
My non-judgmental cheerleaders over the years had some similar qualities,
- they spoke to the potential in me that I could not see;
- they had a great sense of humour, and taught me not to take life too seriously — and how to laugh at myself;
- they showed empathy towards me, quietly moved alongside me, and encouraged me;
- they would never accept a half-hearted effort from me, and taught me to strive to be the best person I could be;
- they developed meaningful relationships with me, and there was always mutual respect when we interacted.
Without even realizing it, some of these people became significant mentors during my life journey.
Pass on the legacy
And those qualities these teachers and coaches expressed towards me are those I have worked hard to develop when working with young people over the years.
So often we forget the power of the smile, one encouraging phrase shared at an important moment in a vulnerable teenager’s life, a friendly wave from a distance, or an encouraging SMS (or message) simply because we think it might be appreciated.
It is in these small, seemingly insignificant moments that we can be life-changers in the lives of young people.
I am still working at patience — so important when journeying with teenagers — though I know I have become a better listener over the years. I have guided teenagers to make their own choices, valuing and respecting their ideas and opinions, and telling them that I care about their wellbeing when they could not understand why I would be interested in their futures.
Mentoring memories
I was reminded of some mentoring experiences a few years ago and how significant these volunteer adults were in the lives of teenagers who were wobbling a little. Perhaps these youngsters lacked self-confidence and, in some cases, displayed the early signs of antisocial behaviour — fringe bullying incidents; inconsistent attendance at school, and falling behind with academic studies, as examples.
In one particular school-based mentoring program I was coordinating, the mentors were assisting their mentees to seek some work experience. This was part of the goal setting journey the mentees undertook to help them find greater meaning and purpose in their lives.
One of the challenges many adolescents have to deal with is fear i.e., fear about making that phone call to the person they want to speak to about a possible work experience opportunity. Fear because they might be rejected by an employer and so much more. Fear because they keep hearing about all the jobs in the future which no-one has heard of yet. Will they cope? Will they qualify for such jobs?
A mentor sat with her mentee as the latter confirmed her work experience opportunity. The mentee phoned the company and first had to deal with someone who knew nothing about this.
The mentee was passed on to two other people before she finally got things sorted. She was so happy after completing this process and acknowledged that she had, indeed, overcome that fear, and how much easier it was having her mentor there to encourage her.
Another mentee became highly motivated about the possibility of teaching as a career thanks to the work she and the mentor were doing together. Both the mentor and the mentee were bubbling with enthusiasm about their plans for the weeks ahead.
Are we connecting?
Another mentor was really struggling with her mentee. She felt that they were not connecting. And then there was a life-changing moment, I am sure! The mentee, who had been one of those ‘it’s too hard!’ youngsters, announced that he had organised his work experience since seeing his mentor the previous week. He had personally sorted out some other arrangements with the Careers Adviser at the school with no help from his mentor, and he shared some other information with his mentor about personal changes in his life.
I observed a young life quietly crossing the bridge to great progress thanks to the persistence of his mentor believing in him.
At a later date that young man thanked his mentor for guiding him and making a significant difference to how he lived his life, set goals, and found a purpose. The mentoring relationship had motivated him to strive to reach higher standards he was setting for himself.
And then there was the young lad who was heading off to work experience the following week. He was so pumped and ready to go and also told his mentor that he would like to stay in touch when the mentoring program officially came to an end. His mentor also discovered quite by chance, as she was doing some work at her local church, that her mentee attended the youth group there, something he had never mentioned. They later chatted about that and had a good laugh! It was reassuring to know that the mentee was attending the youth group as he was mixing with more positive role models, as well as positive peers.
As I have shared on many occasions, one of the key challenges for mentors is never to quit on their mentee.
I mentored a teenager for a year some time ago. She was a wonderful young woman who had been struggling through some personal issues. In recent times she contacted me to inform me that she had made a significant life-changing decision which had been influenced by some conversations we had had during the mentoring relationship.
Never stop sowing positive seeds of hope.
Never stop trying to be a positive influence in the lives of those with whom you interact.
Do you have a mentoring story to share? Be aware that there is a young person out there who wants to hear it, or a mentor who needs encouragement.
Be that positive person of influence.
Cover photo by Daniel Hering on Unsplash