Chatting to teenagers? Or, possibly coaching, or teaching teenagers? Or, perhaps you are mentoring a teenager?
Here are some fundamental mentoring strategies and tips which could apply to any mentoring relationship, collated from years of global research.
- Mentors are not there to fix students or families.
- Avoid the trap of getting too emotionally involved — it’s not good for either party.
- Mentors are friends, not saviours, or rescuers.
- Don’t fall into the trap of wanting to keep coming up with solutions, offering advice, or solving your mentees’ problems for them etc. The most effective mentoring is getting them to solve their own problems after brainstorming with you. This might take time, and does not have to happen immediately, e.g., when talking about an issue suggest: “Let’s explore your options. What are they?” “Hey, maybe we can chat more about this, and later can work out some plans for the year ….” “Why don’t you see what you can find out and then we can chat again next week?”
- Consider using a journal to record your key conversation points if you are not already doing so.
- Keep exploring ways of encouraging them to connect with the school — activities they can get involved in, what needs to be done etc. You might even want to browse the school website yourself to see what’s on offer.
- Keep sowing the seeds of positive peer pressure, as you encourage them to reach their potential.
- What’s going on in their lives at this age? Most of these youngsters are battling with self-image, self-concept issues, despite a possible outward show of bravado and an “I’m ok,” attitude. At the same time don’t look for problems if they are not there, or create them.
- Find out in your discussions who the positive people are in their lives e.g., “If you were desperate for accommodation, or needed $100 who would you approach?” “Parents — great! And who else??” This then encourages talk about building that web of support around themselves for the future, communicating with people who believe in them, and are their role models.
- Work out an effective strategy re the use of the email, or messaging on a social media platform (as examples). Sometimes just a quick word of encouragement is all that’s needed. Or, if your mentee is feeling low, arrange for them to contact you in a day or two just to check on how things are going — short and sweet, always effective!
- Vary how you spend your time with your mentee e.g., you might go for a walk and talk, then spend 15 minutes googling something on the computer and chatting. Boys prefer ‘doing’ rather than sitting, and just chatting — all will appreciate variety.
Never forget how you felt as a young person and who the people were who positively encouraged you. What qualities did they display?
Cover photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
