Choose these 10 Habits to Become the Best You can Be

Choose these 10 Habits to Become the Best You can Be

Have you ever felt that your life had no purpose? Maybe you were drifting? Especially when you were an adolescent? Jack, a talented sportsman, Sarah, revealing signs of antisocial behaviour, Mike, disengaging from school, Kelly, feeling overwhelmed with life’s challenges and Anne, facing the real prospect of failing, were young people I worked with over a period of time, encouraging them to become the best they can be. Although these are not their real names, each one of them made significant choices and now some years later, to the best of my knowledge, they are all achieving great things, because each of them followed the overwhelming majority of the 10 Habits to Become the Best You can Be.The 10 Habits were developed over many years of coaching and mentoring young people. When a young person feels unconditionally cared for, that their opinions are listened to and valued and they begin to start seeing some meaning and purpose in their lives, they are well on the way to becoming the best they can be. These 10 Habits to Become the Best You can Be will provide young people with important choices. When they have a significant adult walking alongside them – a parent, teacher, coach, volunteer adult mentor – as they choose their future pathway, more often than not you will witness significant, positive developments occurring, as well as the emergence of a more resilient person able to bounce back in challenging times. 1. Surround myself with positive friends and be a positive person of influence, becoming a great listener, respecting the viewpoints of others and a team player. 2....
Your 10 Hot Tips for effective Parenting and Mentoring of Teenagers

Your 10 Hot Tips for effective Parenting and Mentoring of Teenagers

If someone asked you what tips you would pass on to them to help them be an encouragement to young people, what would you say? This is a topic I have researched for many, many years and have gathered all that research to produce some short tips to encourage parents and mentors as they journey with young people through adolescence. Indeed, these tips would be relevant for anyone working with young people. So, here are the 10 Hot Tips for effective Parenting and Mentoring of Teenagers. 1. Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen more than you speak. 2. Love unconditionally and NEVER quit! 3. Empathise and genuinely affirm their EFFORTS (so you are not seen to be judging character). 4. Negotiate boundaries and be consistent. 5. Apologise sincerely when in the wrong and never publicly humiliate them. 6. Walk alongside them as they explore their career options, always encouraging them to chase their dreams. 7. Catch them doing good and celebrate! It is so important to keep a sense of humour and have some fun. 8. Journey with them through failure to make this a positive learning experience without trying to enforce your values on them. 9. Support their idealism and let them know you believe in them and are their greatest, non-judgmental Cheerleader! 10. Keep envisioning the people they can become. NEVER let go of that vision. Keep reminding yourself that the young person in front of you is trying to find their way during the most confusing time of their lives, while their brains are still developing and they are so conscious of how they look. Be their rock and...
You’ll get noticed when you listen to this teenager

You’ll get noticed when you listen to this teenager

Do you ever wonder why a teenager you are trying to communicate with seems to be on another planet? Most of us have probably asked ourselves that question from time to time. As teenagers journey through their adolescent years and their brains are still developing, they, too, are confused and trying to respond to so many questions they are asking themselves, examples of which might include: Who am I? Where am I going? What do others think of me? Well, perhaps, it’s a good time to pause and allow a teenager to share her thoughts with you which may or may not help your relationships with these young people.I encourage young people to become the best they can be, so their goals and tasks are set by themselves. They then don’t have to compare themselves with anyone else and can simply measure how they are doing against those personal developmental goals. It’s a wonderful self-empowering journey. Like the Kite surfer, many of whom develop their skills in the sea close to where I live, it’s all about practise, practise, practise and persevering so that, in the end,, as neuroscience educator Judy Willis, said, “practice makes permanent”, ie, in this case, the skills are embedded in the brain and so, when the Kite surfer is battling the ocean, he or she reacts instinctively to circumstances as they have trained their brain through practise. As a mentor, parent, coach or teacher, whatever your role might be, the one non-negotiable requirement these days is the importance of face to face communication. There are plenty of reasons for this, most especially because of...
If you value teenagers, then read this!

If you value teenagers, then read this!

Do you have teenage children? Do you teach teenagers? Do you work in any way with teenagers? I have been thinking about the power of mentoring, though mostly in relation to students who crossed my path over the years, and wondering what they are doing with their lives today, what ‘might have been’ had they had the opportunity to be mentored when they were 15 or 16 years of age? Unique gifts and talents to be nurtured and encouraged by a non-judgmental Cheerleader.I was reminded of the positive results of an Online Student Performer that one of the early GR8 Mates student participants had completed at the end of their school-based mentoring program. The students had completed this task at the beginning of the mentoring journey and again, six months later, when the program officially concluded, though some 11 years later, some of those adolescents, now adults, are probably still in touch with their mentors from that time, as often lifelong friendships are forged. Research clearly states – and it’s obvious why – that mentoring relationships that last for 12 months or more tend to have more positive outcomes than those lasting less than this time. No-one can argue with that, though I have learnt over the years that, when a volunteer adult mentor and a teenage mentee connect for a season, even if that season is only 6 months in a school-based mentoring relationship, so much can be achieved. In addition to comments from the GR8 Mates Mentees and mentors, what emerged from a deeper analysis of the Online Student Performer were the following key points: when mentors...
A tribute to my Mentor

A tribute to my Mentor

Have you personally thanked your mentor or mentors for the encouragement and support they gave you, for investing time in your life? That’s the question I ask at the end of an activity when I train volunteer adult mentors before they embark on the unknown mentoring journey with a teenager. It’s a question that led me to contact Dave many years ago to thank him for being the wise guide on the side, my mentor, during some of the most formative years of my life. His reaction surprised me.Let me explain. Dave was a Cricket Coach of mine for a while and then taught me History for the final two years of my school career, during which time my sporting interests took priority over my academic endeavors. I was getting away with the minimum amount of work and hoping to get by. At some point early in my final year, Dave walked past me one day at school and simply said, “Robin, if you don’t do some work, you’ll fail.” I was a Student Leader at the time, expected to be a role model to the younger students. I smiled, felt embarrassed and rather sheepishly responded, “Yes, sir.” That one sentence spoken into my life by someone I respected, and was also a little afraid of, became a turning point in my academic journey. Not only did I set out to prove Dave wrong, but I had also heard his message loud and clear and knuckled down to some serious work, developing more effective planning and organisation, as well as management of my time. I passed at the end...
There is always a solution to teenager cyberbullying

There is always a solution to teenager cyberbullying

How do you work through social media issues with young people? In Australia we had another teenage suicide linked to cyberbullying in recent weeks, although, as people working in the field of mental health have pointed out, there might be many factors leading to a decision by a young person to end their life, even if cyber bullying has contributed to this fateful decision. One suicide is one too many for me. How are we to approach the comments on social media from people trying to impress, trying to shock, sometimes deliberately writing hurtful comments?Not that long ago I decided to stand up for my values and beliefs and challenge a young adult man I knew to think more carefully before he posted some fairly aggressive, cruelly judgmental material. A couple of his friends proceeded to launch aggressive and judgmental attacks on me and, when I questioned one of them, discovered that he had not even read my comment. Then another young woman entered the conversation and decided to make fun of me as well, at which point I pressed the ‘delete’ button and also blocked a ‘friend’. The mistake I made was probably writing something on the post instead of messaging the young man and keeping our conversation off the public platform. I learnt an important social media lesson from that experience. What concerns me with the antisocial social media behaviour of teenagers is that, while their brains are still developing, they might immediately become involved in an emotional outburst, which might well be normal in such circumstances, and that can spiral into all sorts of negative consequences....