Robin's Blog 4 Parents, Teachers and Mentors

Tips, ideas, thoughts and opinions to motivate and inspire all who guide young people as they journey through adolescence to adulthood.

20 Meaningful ways to stay connected to young people

Are there days when you wonder where your teenage child has come from? Or which side of the bed he or she climbed (or fell!) out of in the morning? Chances are they’re just being normal. With so much going on in that young life and the brain still developing, sometimes we just need to remember to stay focused and keep on keeping on being the loving parents we are. So, here’s a summary of some research I did. 20 meaningful ways to stay connected to our young people, in no particular order, that overlap with many thoughts and ideas linked to the Spirit of Mentoring. We should spend time with our children, especially when we would rather be doing something else. Invest energy when we are exhausted; take family holidays together as much as possible. Remember, there are some key skills our children need in the 21st Century, which Schools might not be paying enough attention to: public speaking, management of time, relationship building skills, negotiation and resolving conflict skills. Bite our tongues when we want to lash out. Take a deep breath and count SLOWLY to 20 when we want to scream. Keep telling our children that we love them unconditionally and nothing will ever change that – be honest and authentic at all times. Tell our children that, although we may get frustrated, we will never give up on them. Swallow our pride and apologise to our children when we have messed up. Go out of our way to meet with their friends and their parents. Stay connected with our children’s school, perhaps even their place of...

Ways to encourage young people to become the best they can be – thoughts?

How do you want to support young people? What resources are you looking for? How can I help you? How can we help each other? These are just some of the questions I am seeking feedback to.I developed my website some years ago as a service to the Community.  I had so many resources to share with the global community, having had the privilege of visiting 22 youth mentoring programs in Canada and the USA as a Churchill Fellowship recipient, having been involved in establishing youth mentoring programs in New Zealand and Australia and having run a variety of education programs in those two countries, as well as in Southern Africa. The good news is that I am still learning! In recent years I have put a lot of energy into understanding adolescent brain research and its relevance to the holistic education journey of young people, as well as to youth mentoring. Now that I am retired, I’d like to spend the next couple of years developing more resources, updating and adding to my website and, in particular, putting more information people are wanting on my Facebook page which is dedicated solely to resources linked to encouraging young people to become the best they can be. Resources: I have been sharing, in recent Blogs, the news that the two major projects, which will be FREE (that’s important to note!), I am currently working on are: 365 Daily Messages to Inspire young people; Mentoring Minutes Podcasts. 365 Daily Messages: These daily messages will take between 5 and 20 seconds to read each day. I have linked the thinking to recent brain research...

Surfing through life as a Mentor?!

“How can I help you?” That’s probably the question I ask more than any other when someone approaches me for a chat. It leads to great discussions which are followed by a look at prioritizing which inevitably takes us to goal setting. And, if this involves mentoring an adolescent, I am quick to share the three key points to move them towards a balanced and healthy lifestyle: “How many hours sleep a night are you having?” (Should be 9 hours every night) “How many hours of exercise each week are you having?” (Should be a minimum of 2.5 to 3 hours) “Are you eating a healthy breakfast?” (If not, early academic time will be a waste of energy, as the brain will not be functioning at full throttle!) These are well researched facts now and, while there will always be exceptions to the rule, when mentees are able to tick these three boxes, they will automatically notice the difference in their lives. I was thinking a short while ago, while I was writing my Mentoring Minutes 2 minutes a day Podcasts, of the conversation I had with Rachel (not her real name) when she asked if she could have a chat with me. “How can I help you?” I asked. “I want you to mentor me. I need help with my planning and organization. Last year I lived on five hours sleep a night, I pushed myself so hard to achieve my academic goals and make my parents happy. I achieved them all but I don’t want to live like this anymore. In fact, I’m not going to live...

Drone parents or empowering Mentors for our adolescents?

Thinking again about how different life is today from when I was a child. What can you remember about your childhood? I remember we climbed trees, created our own games indoors and outdoors, rode our bicycles, without helmets, to the local Park where we played on the variety of playground equipment available – Jungle Jims, seesaws, swings, roundabouts – caught tadpoles in the stream running through the Park, all without any adult supervision. We walked or rode to school without adult supervision and caught public transport, even in the evenings, without adult supervision. We jumped into a teacher’s car or another parent’s car if we were going to a sports match without any need of permission slips signed by our parents; we listened to the Top 20 hits of the week on a Sunday night from Radio Lourenco Marques (I was raised in Cape Town); we watched the international sports folk practising and mingled with them after and before matches, with no security guards evident; we listened to the radio, as we did not have Television – Kit Grayson Rides the Range or something like that; Squad Cars; Pick-a-Box, a Quiz Show; Squad Cars, a Detective program; Mark Saxon and Sir Gay Gromuko or something similar …….  yes, those were the days and how different from life today. The rare Computers were massive machines in large office areas with punch cards …. and so I could go on. These thoughts occurred after I read an interesting Blog by Occupational Therapist, Victoria Prooday, The silent tragedy affecting today’s children, which has been read by over 10 million people during the...

How peer pressure changes lives

“All successful people have a goal. No-one can get anywhere unless he knows where he wants to go and what he wants to be or do.”  (Norman Vincent Peale (1898 – 1993)) Over the years I have done a lot of work in High or Secondary Schools, attended by 13 to 19-year old students. One of the greatest issues I confront each time is the effect of peer pressure on the lives of these students. It’s seen in the negative attitude to ‘anything’ that is said. It’s seen in the way students, who want to ask questions, who want to get involved in an activity, who want to answer questions etc., remain silent for fear of what their peers might say. It’s supposedly not ‘cool’ to try too hard. Sometimes there are deeper reasons that complicate things even more, as will be evident in the four stories I’ll share in this Blog. I heard the story about Rachel (not her real name), who did really well at Primary School. However, when she moved to High or Senior School she only just passed her exams – 50%, 51%, those types of marks. When challenged, she admitted that she did not want to lose her friends, so she was just doing enough to get through. And, having been an enthusiastic class participant, she also retreated into herself so she did not stand out amongst her peers. Rachel’s story will be familiar to most readers, I am sure. In Letter 2 a Teen, which I wrote as a genuine letter to any teenager trying to find their way during one of the most...

Patience and Perseverance the way to achieve!

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.” (anonymous) I love this quote, as it resonates with me and my life journey to date, as I think about all those who have coached, mentored and encouraged me along the different paths I have travelled. There have been times when I have been impatient at the lack of progress with an idea or because other people simply can’t catch the vision, while at other times I have wondered what would have happened had I persevered. How many times can you remember quitting and, as you reflected at a later date, regretted doing so? Three stories from the past week have shown what perseverance, even patience can mean as individuals strive to achieve different goals. The picture that heads my blog today is of Australian swimmer Emily Seebohm, aged 25, winning the World 200 meters Backstroke at the World Championships in Budapest. From the high standards she had set for herself, she failed abysmally at the Rio Olympic Games and came close to quitting the sport. She was suffering from health issues and, once these were sorted, decided to persevere. Having been swimming for Australia for 11 years, few would have begrudged her deciding to retire, as she had won so many medals already. However, she clearly felt she had more to achieve and  so began the long, lonely slog of training and training and training! Her patience with herself and her perseverance, together with the critical support of key people in her...

Mentoring Billy

“I’m  ….. uh ….. in trouble again!” That unmistakably negative 15 year old voice in my ear as I drove across the Auckland Harbour Bridge to my North Shore home. Monday evening. Could the day really get any worse?  I had lost two potentially major business deals and now Billy. “What’s the trouble, Billy?” I asked, desperately trying to remember some mentor training tips. Disapprove of the behaviour, but love the child. “It’s that peach-head Mr Squires. Says I cheated in the Maths test, but I didn’t, Tony, I swear …….” “I believe you, Billy.” “No-one else does!” A hint of anxiety in his voice. A short silence. “My dad’s going to murder me when he hears I’m internally suspended.” I pictured a terrified Billy, shoulders drooped, looking up to his dad, a brute of a man, owner of a building construction company,  hesitatingly breaking this news. Would this be the last straw in an already fragile relationship? “Where are you, Billy?” “The Mall.” “Okay, meet me at the Food Court in 15 minutes.” “What’s the point? This whole program sucks. My friends were right …… I’ll always be a loser! Stuff school!” “Hey, Billy, meet me …….. please?!” Did he detect my concern or the feeling of irritability, the result of a tough day in the office? Both probably. Billy didn’t miss much. “Uh … huh.” Negotiating the traffic, telephoning Nicky to tell her I’d be late home, brain racing with thoughts of how to salvage the situation ……. mentor training tips competing for traffic focus. Get the facts. Don’t jump to any conclusions or assumptions. Believe in...

Boys will be Boys! – let’s not label them

Can you remember the teacher who brought out the best work or kept you most interested and motivated in school and schoolwork? This is a great question to ask your mentee or any adolescent you are working with and the response will provide you with insights into how this young person is developing as a unique individual. When I was 8 years old my class teacher had a significant impact on my life. Miss Wolfe was tough, thorough, kind and compassionate and set clear boundaries. She was not interested in a second-rate effort and expected all her students to do their best. I did well academically in those days and learnt, at this young age, how to study and prepare for Tests, whilst also having plenty of fun in the classroom. Miss Wolfe had a beautiful Alsatian dog, Alannah, which she occasionally brought to School – yes, this was allowed in those days! We all loved Alannah. There were other teachers during my Primary or Junior School years that kept me interested in school work, but Miss Wolfe was special. When I underwent Cancer operations, even though I had moved up the School, Miss Wolfe monitored my progress, wrote me a letter wishing me a speedy recovery and kindly gave me a book of animals which I kept for about 50 years! Miss Wolfe’s attitude, care and compassion, had a significant impact on my decision to become a teacher myself.During my last couple of years of schooling Dave Hiscock, my History teacher, had a significant impact on my education journey. Dave’s teaching methods were far ahead of his time. We...

A Cherokee Legend and the Spirit of Mentoring

How well do you value the experiences of others? I recall, as an adolescent, sitting with a variety of significant adults in my life and listening to them sharing their words of wisdom, though it was listening to their true stories of the highs and lows of their lives that had the most impact on me. Recently I read a wonderful book by Neal C Lemery  J.D., Mentoring Boys to Men – Climbing Their Own Mountains, which I would highly recommend to anyone working with young boys especially. Neal captures stories of young people he has worked with and, through his experiential life journey, we gain further insights into the meaning of the Spirit of Mentoring. He shared a well-known Cherokee Legend.“An old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. “The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you and inside every person, too.” The grandson thought about his words for a minute, then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” How important it is for the mentor to role model all those qualities of the good wolf in his or her relationship with their mentee and that’s why it is equally important for mentors to live a balanced...

NEVER Quit on Your Mentee!

How many times have you been in a formal or informal mentoring relationship with a younger person and wanted to give up on them? Have you actually walked away from a mentoring relationship, as you felt you had given your all? It would be a very normal and human thing to do. However, if you are mentoring an adolescent, who is journeying through the most confusing time of his or her life, the Golden Rule should be: NEVER Quit!I think back over the years to the many, many students I have either formally  or informally mentored, the multiple times I have wanted to quit and never did. I recall deliberately putting some distance between myself and Graeme (not his real name) and him coming to find me to speak to me. I had thought he was not interested in communicating with me any longer, so tested the waters without saying anything. And that experience reminded me that these young people are listening to everything we say and, even if they are unable to verbally express it, they know that they have a non-judgmental Cheerleader in their lives. I made a similar decision with Sandy (not her real name), thinking that she was in a good headspace and I could quietly slip further into the background. She, too, approached me and said it had been a while since we had chatted and could we make a time to catch up? If I thought hard enough, there would probably be more similar stories. So, I never quit on these students, simply eased back and waited to see what would happen. If nothing...